Don't know is it Lucky or Sway, we got a Queue number 0466. Bleh. There were about 500++ units, so sure dio. Why Lucky? Cos' apparently lots of couples around Me & Ad who wanted a house so badly, never did got successful with each of their application. (Ad's colleague, Rick, applied for 3 yrs!) Why Sway? Cos' I'm just not ready for such a Big thing. Getting a flat is as good as getting married.. tho' officially obtaining the keys will be in a few years time. 2014.
I'm so not ready... sometimes I wonder if I'm playing the Devil's Advocate here. I know, this is the next stage in my life and in my relationship w Ad... Can I see Ad as my future hubby? Yes, a 200% if I was to decide 2 years ago. Maybe it is due to the 3-yr length of patohing, dating and staying together... we can have arguements quite a bit. Maybe not to him (cos' he's very used to quarrelling at home.).. but it was a great deal of picking up the pieces for me (cos' I seldom get angry & get into quarrels). I'm not pushing blames here but I am becoming more temperamental in our relationship. Is it because of the time?
Ad is someone I can put my full trust into, someone whom is filial, loyal to friends, super patriotic in relationship BUT just a LITTLE easily irritable by almost anything and everything (at this point, I've put all his other bad points aside like taking own sweet time, etc). I dun knw... sometimes I can't take all that negativity passing thru him and letting it fall onto me. In the beginning, I thought I should just highlight to him at once when he does things that I disagree with. Then I realise over time that I can't influence him or get him to see things in better perspectives & light. :( Maybe it's his ego to acknowledge the bad habits & his laziness to change i guess... I think attitude is very important. It shows how much a person is willing to change, not for the other but for him/herself. Making improvements is such a vital aspect in life to be 'responsible' as I will put it.
Funny thing is, ad is more receptive to others more senior than him. Not me. Sometimes I really doubt myself for bringing 'ANGELS' a bad name (cos' I am one, sent by God to rescue 1 lucky Charlie. Haa.. ) I think I've tried all means and ways, telling him about some of his bad habits thru' teases, jokes, serious talks, angry talks, cries, etc. but to no avail. :( I don't know... i'm clueless where this is gonna take us. Either to the road of destruction or to a new world of harmony where two of us can be in our own home and space.... :)
Someone close ever told me about not getting 'fooled' by time in a relationship, being obligated to get committed because of time and end up like himself. I wonder if every case shares the same state like this friend of mine. I believe there are many successful marriages too and it all depends on whether the couple wana work their way towards that. So, it takes two hands to clap as all would have put it in layman terms. Isn't it better to be a more positive person, to speak good of others, to have more patience in everything that may come along. I wonder why will anyone not wanna change for that. So if one forbits this positive entry and shuts off my door of encouragement, what else can come along after that? Barrier. Communication barrier. I guess it's what I'm facing sometimes now when I speak to ad... sometimes it seems that our discussion's gettin no where, he's not interested and i'm plain kicking up a big fuss. I'll turn away, refuse to comment further and we let things pass the way it had ended.
Today I got really angry with Ad for telling me something. He told me that when we have our new house next time, we'll be switching on the aircon everytime. I thought I heard him wrongly so I asked him again 'everytime? but I don't need aircon everytime'. He replied, "yes, everytime." I don't know, I got really disturbed by what he had just said. I just thought that he shouldn't have put the image across to me that he'll splurge on items like switching aircon everytime he comes back. It's pure indulgence to me. Electricity bill's on the rise, my friend. It's not the thought of paying for electricity bill I'm pissed with this statement. It's the idea of spending the rest of my life with someone who can't bear with difficult circumstances like 'heat' or 'warm weather' and little thoughts about about 'saving'. I hate it when ad gives me bad impression or flips himself inside-out for me to see. It's like," Neh, See. I am like that! " Then if I accept, I become the fool. If I refuse, I become the fool too.
I know no one's perfect and I can't ask anything more from Ad.... but recently, he's got this severe amnesia going on. Gettin quite scary sometimes... he keeps asking me the same questions over n over again... then I get pekcek aka frustrated repeating myself!
This bochap-ness and amnesia is really killing me softly lor.
Angel, this is a huge decision that none of us can help u much with. All I can do is to offer my very personal opinion from my perspective for your reference in the decision making process.
ReplyDeleteThe HDB issue is a non issue. I feel it's important to not let this distract u from the main core issue: marriage. Perhaps u shld empty ur mind of all the HDB bullshit before u embark on a total evaluation of the main topic on marriage to Ad. Getting a flat together is just 1 of the many resultants that will stem from ur decision on the marriage part.
U said that ur answer to the marriage thing would have been yes with 200% confidence level if that came up 2 years ago. Perhaps u can think back to that day 2 years ago with a clear and empty mind and list down very objectively the reasons for the 'Yes'.
Then make a list of reasons contributing to the 'No' today.
Then repeat the process by going 1 step further by projecting the scene to 2 years, 5 years and 10 year in the future.
I will then place all the lists side by side, for every Yes-reason, I will match it with a No-reason of similiar intensity/level and see what I end up with. This is the law of compensation for imperfection cos u see, life is never fair or perfect.
See if the Nos exceedingly overpower the Yes-es or vice versa. u'll at least have a clearer idea of what u r getting urself into.
It may seem like a very scientifically systematic clinical approach to such a topic as marriage which is sometimes impossible to explain in concrete terms as all relationship matters are prone to be, but at times when emotional factors cloud the judgement, u may find it helpful to have an extra perpestive of things from a purely practical analytical point of view.
That's very analytical way of seeing things. I like. Gd for a practical freak like me. Think 3 years is a good gauge for me. Sometimes, I must admit, it's scary to even think of penning things down and compare the YESes and the NOs. What if xxxxxx... ...
ReplyDeleteAs for now, I still look at one's positive side always, and thus, maybe the struggle in me not wanting to be realistic. Like what U've said, the 'emotional factors' do kick in all the time. It's so impt to look ahead and not back huh. The mini NOs can ADD up big time to a huge No too. aiyo.
Gonna endorse your suggestion. thanks Angel. *hugs*